Black people die every once in a while. Most of the time we get shot or knifed. Lets all just hope that we don’t “kick the bucket” like these guys did. My commentary is in bold.

15 Ways Not To Die:

458 BC: Aeschylus A Greek playwright, was killed when an eagle dropped a live tortoise on him, mistaking his bald head for a stone. The tortoise survived. - Dear God: How you gon kill the man, and not the tortoise?

206: Roman emperor Valerian, after being defeated in battle and captured by the Persians, was used as a footstool by the King Shapur I. After a long period of punishment and humiliation, he offered Shapur a huge ransom for his release. In reply, Shapur had the unfortunate emperor skinned alive and his skin stuffed with straw or dung and preserved as a trophy.

1016: Edmund II of England: died by having a sword thrust in his anus by the soldiers of King Canute while using a primitive latrine - Y’all boys is wrong for that.

1327: Edward II of England: After being deposed and imprisoned by his Queen Consort Isabella and her lover Roger Mortimer, was rumored to have been murdered by having a red-hot iron inserted into his anus. - No lube?

1834: David Douglas, Scottish Botanist, fell into a pit trap accompanied by a bull. He was gored and possibly crushed. - Olé.

1899: Felix Faure, french president, died of a stroke while receiving oral sex in his office. - Can you say superhead?

1927: Isadora Duncan, dancer, died of accidental strangulation and broken neck when one of the long scarves she was known for caught on the wheel of a car in which she was a passenger.

2001: Bernd-Jürgen Brandes was stabbed repeatedly in the neck and then eaten by Armin Meiwes. Before the killing, both men dined on Brandes’ severed penis. Brandes had answered an internet advertisement by Meiwes looking for someone for this purpose. Brandes explicitly stated in his will that he wished to be killed and eaten. - That’s just weird.

2003: Timothy Treadwell, an American Enviromentalist who had lived in the wilderness among bears for thirteen summers in a remote region in Alaska, was killed and partially consumed by a bear, along with his girlfriend Amie Huguenard.

2005: Kenneth Pinyan of Enumclaw died of acute peritonitis after submitting to anal intercourse with a stallion. Pinyan had done this before, and he delayed his visit to the hospital for several hours out of reluctance for official cognizance.

2005: 28-year-old South Korean, Lee Seung Seop, collapsed of fatigue and died after playing Starcraft for almost 50 consecutive hours in an Internet cafe.

2007: Jennifer Strange, a 28-year-old woman from Sacramento, died of water intoxication while trying to win a Wii console in a KDND 107.9 “The End” radio station’s “Hold Your Wee for a Wii” contest, which involved drinking large quantities of water without urinating. She placed second in the contest.

2007: Surinder Singh Bajwa, the Deputy Mayor of Delhi, India, was kicked by a Rhesus Macque monkey at his home and fell from a first floor balcony, suffering serious head injuries. He later died from his injuries.

Monkey -1 Indian Mayor - 0

2008: Judy Kay Zagorski was sitting in the front seat of a boat going 25 mph when a leaping 75-pound stingray struck her in the face, killing her by impact.

Rip to all of ya.