Hypebeast: A person who has no personal sense of style. One who will only rock hyped-up, overpriced, “exclusive” items, follows all of the trends, and attempts to match ridiculous colors. A Hypebeast will spend 2 days outside a Footlocker Store awaiting a release of a pair of overpriced Jordans that he doesn’t really like.

An expensive pricetag says it all for the Hypebeast. Infact, some hypebeasts like the price of their clothes to the point where they fail to remove the pricetag. Failure to remove the pricetag shows the world how expensive their clothing item is, how they spend their money better than you, and how you’re style of clothing is not only cheap, but obsolete. They also claim to be Sneakerheads, and will succumb to performing fellatio on their local Wino if he has the latest pair of Bapestas, or Dunks.

Hypebeasts are the Douchebags of the Black Community

Douchebag.

These guys look ridiculous. They match their shoelaces with they braces, their underwear with their earrings, their cellphones with their toenails, the bottom of their shoes with the seat of their bikes, and their contacts are purple. A lot of the time these guys look like walking rainbows.

Hypebeasts claim they only shop online, or in expensive boutiques. They believe department stores are below them, although you will occasionally see you’re local hypebeast in the dressing room at JC Pennys, or TJ Maxx with their mothers and a cartful of clothes. Most likely, they’re trying on clothes for a “family member, or friend.” They will also wear huge rope chains around their scrawny-necks.

50% of a Hypebeasts life is spent on Niketalk.com, trying to prove to other Hypebeasts that his sneaker knowledge is superior to theirs. When not on Niketalk, he spends his time studying and keeping up with what new kicks are coming out so he can have the upper hand when in a conversation with a rival Hypebeast.

Hypebeast always travel in pairs because most of their neighborhood dislike them, but the Hypebeasts believe they’re envied. Together they consider themselves unstoppable, and won’t hesitate to say, “Ahh, that nigga still shop at JC Penny.”

To see a rich hypebeast is a rare occasion. A lot of the time they work somewhere mediocre and 3/4ths of their check goes to adding to their wardrobe. If they do not have a job, they ask their grandmother daily for cash.

How to become a Hypebeast: Log onto Niketalk and Hypebeast.com daily. Perfect being a douche bag. Pluck your eyebrows. Wear purple contacts. Spend 500 dollars on a pair of shoes. Match 10 exotic colors at once. Look up to Pharell and Nigo in the gayest way possible. If you need more tips call - 1-800-HYPEBEAST

Now you know all about Hypebeasts. Feel free to label all of your friends with expensive clothes and merchandise Hypebeasts if they match any of the criteria above. A hypebeast is not only confined to clothing, it could be anything.

-Personal Rant.*